My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
