i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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