Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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