just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
