So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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