5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
