I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
