yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
