guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
