I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
