The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize