Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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