There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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