Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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