i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Fuck appropriateness.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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