Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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