We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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