I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
