At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
