We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
