if you like me you must not know who I am
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
