I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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