i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
