well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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