Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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