I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
