no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
