Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Dicks are not precious.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
