yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize