Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
