Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
