I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
