what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
