My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
