Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
