What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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