# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
