i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
