We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
