someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
