I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
