obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
