If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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