Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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