so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I will die if light touches me.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
