imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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