Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just threw up on my dentist
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
