Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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