mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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