I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
