The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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