Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
