Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize