I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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