Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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