What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
