You're completely useless in the revolution.
this boner is exhausting
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
