Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
