know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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