She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
