I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
