you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
