can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
